Meditations on the Loss of a Mother  [Back to the Homepage]
By Joe Pavone

Introduction: I wrote the attached to my brother Ronald a couple of months after the passing of our Mother. I offer it in tribute to her for the love she showed me - a love which cannot be replaced by any other than our Saviour.

March 15, 2007 -- As you know, the loss of mom devastated me just as it did you. Sometimes all alone in the middle of the night I find myself mourning her passing and I grieve over all the difficulties I had in making her last years happy. I did what I could. I only regret I could not do more. It was a blessing to be able to help her when no one - and I really mean no one - stood up for her. I am sorry - very sorry - that she had to suffer as she did on some occasions.

There are times when I have flashbacks of moments when she suffered loneliness and the lack of love from uncaring staff. The Lord will repay them according to their works. The realization I have is now that we have lost the only person in this world who really cared about us. I remember her concern when I was sick - now who will tell me to "button my coat" or to "put my hat on?" I sometimes find myself tearing up at particularly poignant memories. I remember - in the midst of her own problems - her outstanding compassion for other residents.

I thank God for the example of her resilience that even a cruel nurse could not beat down. Thank God we were there for her. As I have mentioned to you - she saved my life in the face of the raving of a cruel and heartless father that we had. She had the natural affection for her sons that he never had. I can only tell you that I treasure her memory and that losing her was the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

Today, the Holy Spirit revealed something to me. I used to think that you are supposed to get over the loss of a loved one eventually. Time will heal all wounds... there will be closure... and other trite clichés. But, today the Holy Spirit showed me that the wound will never heal until we are re-united again in heaven. And that's an ok thing.

The memory of mom is not meant to pass away and be forgotten or become obsolete. Like the wounds in the side of Jesus that he showed to doubting Thomas, the pain of her loss will be there until I see her again face to face. This is something I must accept and live with until our day of reunion. In the meantime, I can only revere her memory and thank her for everything she did for me. She will never be forgotten by us.

There is no one who can take her place - no one.

Mary Grace Pavone September 22, 1913 - January 17, 2007

Connie Francis Lyrics

You can email Joe Pavone at: joe@calvinistcontender.org